Politics Exclusive
Luxon Announces Ten New Taxes in Latest Bid to Win Back Voters
The Prime Minister says the National Party has "listened to New Zealanders" and will now tax almost everything they have, do or drink.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has announced 10 new taxes this morning in the National Party’s latest bid to win back voters.
He said to the media earlier today, “Well, look guys, the voters have been very clear that they actually want taxes.”
When asked about the move, Campaign Chair of the National Party Simeon Brown said that they had “judged a book by its cover” on tax, and that he is “terribly sorry” to all the party’s donors who had hoped for no new tax.
The ten new taxes are:
- Homeless Tax
- Digital Gains Tax
- EV Tax
- Public Transit Tax
- Pool Tax
- Voting Tax
- Tenant Tax
- Fruit Tax
- Education Tax
- Water Tax
Among the most notable taxes are a new Homeless tax, EV tax and a fruit tax. The homeless tax, which has never been implemented in any country, was the main talking point this morning in the government’s announcement. Luxon said he was “really really proud of getting this one across the board”, and that he hopes the rest of the Western World follows New Zealand’s lead.
Finance Minister Nicola Willis explained how this was a step in the right direction for the National Party, and that their abrupt pivot on tax policy should be taken as a sign of integrity.
This is satire. The Tamaki Times is a work of satire. All stories are fictional. Any resemblance to real events is a coincidence, or a cry for help.
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